Life Update

Hey folks! Remember that guy that used to do vaguely He-Man themed Power BI content? You know the one. He was really active on Twitter and LinkedIn and used to do blogs and You Tube videos and occasional speaking gigs. Whatever happened to him?

Oh yeah, that’s me.

And you may or may not have noticed that I’ve been really quiet for several months. So I wanted to update people on the reasons why.

I’d love to be here saying that I’ve gone underground so that I can plan the next iteration of Greyskull Analytics, and that I’m here to do a big reveal.

But unfortunately not.

What happened?

Back in March, after a very enjoyable, but busy and intense SQLBits, I returned home and had a complete meltdown. I became convinced that I was letting everyone down. I figured that the project I was currently on was failing and it was all my fault. I was inconsolable, overwhelmed and the thought of returning to work after the break from reality that SQLBits had given me just became too much.

Why tell you all about this now? Part of me worries that this will just come across as attention seeking. But I do feel as though I somehow owe the community that has been so good to me a bit of an explanation for my absence. And on some level, I’m sure that capturing this in writing is also a form of catharsis for myself.

Mental Health Pandemic

It’s oft cited these days that we are living in a Mental Health pandemic. Research by the World Health Organization has shown an increase of 25% in cases of anxiety and depression.

And while in this day and age people are becoming more open about their struggles, it’s still been something I’ve struggled to come to terms with. Most people who know me would probably describe me as happy go lucky, and having reached my forties without ever really having had to deal with any mental health issues, I’d already come to the conclusion that I’m just not the kind of person that is affected by this kind of thing.

Turns out it can affect anyone and can strike at any time.

I think one of the reasons I’ve enjoyed my career working in data is that I’m a very logical and analytical person. And so my first instinct has been to try and understand why this has happened. Could it be the build up and after effects of life during the Covid-19 pandemic? Perhaps the stress of having moved jobs four times in the last two years? Or perhaps the weight of expectation I’ve placed on myself in terms of trying to be successful at work as well as being an active contributor to my professional community? The truth is, I’ll probably never know, and not being able to explain it is something I need to try and come to terms with.

How I’m doing

I’m not looking for sympathy though. I’m doing alright.

First step was a trip to the doctor. I was diagnosed with depression and prescribed medication to try and help me manage it. I was also referred for therapy.

My employers, Advancing Analytics, have been incredibly supportive. First of all in allowing me to take time off, and then allowing me to return on a part-time basis for a short period. On my return to full time hours they still gave me room and treated me quite gently. I was even sent a “take care of yourself” care package whilst I was off, including relaxing bath salts, supplements and a journal, as well as some sweet treats. They were also instrumental in helping me facilitate the therapy sessions I’m now attending.

We’re very lucky that we’re provided with a private healthcare benefit working at AA, but our HR manager Joanna was really supportive in terms of pointing me in the right direction to get the claim set up. They’re even now paying for me to use an office space nearby to where I live so that I can get out of the house more often and spend some time in a more social work setting.

The project I was catastrophising about has received nothing but good feedback both internally and from the client and, despite some challenges, is being viewed very much as a success.

My wife has also been incredibly patient and supportive. She is my rock and I don’t know what I would do without her.

Stepping back

Whilst I’ve been dealing with all of this and trying to recover, I’ve taken a conscious step back from trying to be a darling of the data scene. Greyskull Analytics has very much taken a back seat.

I’ve withdrawn from any speaking commitments that were already confirmed (again, apologies to the events affected by this) as well as withdrawing any submissions from upcoming events.

You may (or may not) have noticed my LinkedIn and Twitter activity has been vastly reduced. I haven’t done a YouTube video for an age, and my blogging has dried up too.

The fact that I’m writing this blog is promising sign that things are on the mend.

The future of Greyskull Analytics

I once wrote a blog about the fact that life moves fast in Power BI world. Whilst I’ve been taking this time out, things have definitely passed me by. The release of Fabric, one of the most exciting announcements in recent times, hasn’t really received any attention from me. That’s a shame as a Power BI nerd who was already a lakehouse advocate and works at one of the world’s leading lakehouse implementers.

And right now, I still don’t feel quite ready to fully immerse myself in that world. But I’m sure at some point I will. I’m definitely not ready to give up on Greyskull Analytics. Being an active member of the data community has been enjoyable and fulfilling and has given me so many amazing opportunities. I’m not prepared to give up on all of that just yet. In the words of Arnold Schwarzenegger, I’ll be back.

In the meantime, if you’re struggling with your own mental health, please don’t suffer in silence. The number of offers I’ve had for a friendly chat from people who knew what I’ve been going through has been really heart warming. I initially felt embarrassed and somewhat ashamed by it happening to me. But you just have to overcome that and realise that reaching out for help really is the best thing.